Wow- lots of great comments re: my "putting it out there." I appreciated all of them. I think what I will truly struggle with is what Lori mentioned- sharing, but not sharing so much that I regret what I wrote. I'm going to try and find the balance. "The edit function of any post is muy importante.... the edit function of any post is muy importante... the edit function...."
I started after-school tutoring last week. Unfortunately, it's not a private tutoring situation- I've ended up working for a program that is free for the kiddos and runs four times a week. What this means for me is: crappy pay for more work (although I'm still making more than I would had I not taken on the tutoring bit), 10-hour work days four days a week and, due to it being a free program for public schools rather than a private set of parents seeking additional help for their child, I have a room of 8 kids (first graders and one second grader) who need additional help. This is not a one-on-one situation here. So you can imagine my delight when I discovered (and this was not discovered via word of mouth... oh no, this was from my own personal experience) that one of the students has severe emotional and behavior needs (she is not involved in the special education program at our school)- including taking bowel movements in her pants. My heart truly aches for this little girl. Her home life is one that no one would ever want, desire, or wish upon someone else. I despise what she is observing and taking in when she is at home (which I only found out about after having to seek some explanation after the first day she wet her pants in my classroom).
My problem has nothing to do with who this little girl is....
My problem here is that someone else decided that a solution for her would be after school tutoring. And not necessarily for academic reasons, but in order to give her something else to do. None of her background was shared with me prior to the beginning of tutoring- along with her accidents, she also displays defiant behavior. I understand defiance, and I know it is a teachers job to handle and guide when you have the student in your classroom for the entire school day. But this is after school TUTORING. It is not the solution to making everything better. No one is there to support me when I need extra assistance to help her. No one else was there to help her clean up. No one else was there to watch the rest of my students while I helped her clean up (she couldn't clean herself up). I had a room full of kids who needed a teacher along with a little girl who needs therapy and someone to love her up so she feels safe and secure in her surroundings. And this was all happening after a no-break day, right up at 4:30. By the time I ended up making it home, I about completely freaked out because one of our cats was leaving the litter box with a nice surprise in it. And it was super smelly.
What then broke my heart was my reaction to my beloved who comes home from a long day and wants to help make everything better. Only I didn't feel like there were any solutions to be had last night and I ended up taking it out on him. How fair is that.
Can't the world just be a giant lollipop with sunshine and rainbows all over?
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Okay...
Posted by Courtney Rose at 4:44 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
One of my best friend works in a public school system with "special ed" kids. She has quite the mix in her classroom and she's having a horrible problem with it. She found out (this is her first year) on her own what some of these kids' issues are. In fact, they have records but according to new laws or rules at her school, the previous teacher can't share them...
anyhow, bottom line is this:
you're right, it's sad.
It's tutoring, not daycare, not therapy. I wish I could scoop up all unloved kids and make their lives better, but I can't-you can't...we can't...
I hope you get the support you need through your administration or other teachers/tutors. It sounds like quite the difficult situation.
And, while it is unfair to take it out on your lova-we all do it. It's unfortunately one of the things humans do best. :(
Oh Courtney, this story just makes me ache in sadness for this girl, for whatever has gone on in her life to produce this kind of behavior. She is absolutely blessed by God to have you brought into her life.
I do a volunteer reading program at a low-income school near us, and one of the first-grade boys I read with lives with his father and tons of siblings while his mother is in prison. This boy is *precious*--just my kind of kid, so quirky and scrappy, funny, and pretty weird at times too. One day we were standing outside his classroom while he showed me something he'd written that his teacher hung on the wall when some boys walked by and asked him if I was his mom. What broke my heart is that he didn't answer them: he just whipped his head up to look at me with this pleading look on his face, to see how I would react (I told the boys that I was his friend who reads with him). It just *got* me in the gut that there are so many kids out there like him who get so little parenting in their lives, and that in our village, I'm glad I can step in for an hour every week, though I know it's not nearly enough.
Just know that the time you spend with this challenging and heartbroken girl might be the only time in her day that she can feel loved. Bravo to you for your kindness to her. She is truly one of the "least of these" who is honored in the kingdom of God.
My hubby works with "problem" children.There is just so much you can't fix,because of their homelife.I think he's ready for the lollipop,rainbows and sunshine too!
Ahhhh...the life a teacher. I had one tell me today he has a demon in his head. Do they really prepare us for this in college? I think not...
Just a little advice - teacher to teacher - Speak up for yourself and most importantly the other 7students. They need you too.
Jennifer
I was just thinking that to our natural eyes, the situation with the little girl makes no sense. It doesn't make sense for her to be in your tutoring session when what she really needs is parents and adults that will love her and help her. I'm thinking that is why God put her with you - you can give her what she probably isn't getting anywhere else, and it has nothing to do with tutoring or school. And He knows your heart, and that He can trust you with her. I'm guessing that you are learning more than you bargained for too. That's so the way He works!
That is so hard, I am sorry that you had to be put in that situation, especially with no preperation. Hopefully it will get better very soon.
The CORE training that we did was through our agency. They have these trainings that we can attend or they give us the option to attend other seminars. We chose to do the training through them because it is included in out homestudy cost :) Does your homestudy agency have any training that they offer so you don't have to travel?
Post a Comment