Is it apparent that spring break is over? I feel like I've been away from this blog for years. Years. Only it's just been something like four days. But still. Years.
Today was a rough one. Yesterday I read an article about international adoption and "big time" countries giving Americans the boot when it comes to adopting their little ones. I didn't take the time to try to figure out if the article was truly valid or not, but I can tell you it made me feel like puking.
I understand there is a great risk when it comes to adopting- whether it's something that happens domestically or internationally. I get it. But I guess I didn't really think the negative risk would actually happen. That we might just put all this love and energy into something that might just not have the happy ending we were seeking. But then there was this article, glaring out at me from the bright computer screen, basically screaming- THIS MIGHT JUST NOT HAPPEN AFTER ALL. And to be honest, I don't know how I would react if this didn't happen. It brings friggen tears to my eyes right now and makes me grouchy at first grade students when the mere idea of it not working out enters my reality.
And you want to know something else that breaks my heart? Having to decide for sure what age child we want. And how many we want. I can easily recall my heartache when Jason and I initially decided that we preferred our first child to be as healthy as possible... when we decided to not put an interested check mark next to "cleft palate" or "down syndrome." I told our adoption consultant that we just want a family. A family. I don't know what the right thing for us is. How can we say no to anyone when there are so many children who need a loving home? Does it make us selfish to say we want an infant? To say we feel like adopting only one child right now is the best thing for us?
Yuck. I need a beer. Anyone else?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Not so happy go lucky....
Posted by Courtney Rose at 6:36 PM
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14 comments:
These are very difficult questions, Courtney, and one of the hardest parts of the adoption process. I know we *agonized* over this particular form; it felt like we were playing God, and I did not like it. And I completely understand your desire to stay open to whatever God might want to bring to your family (cause you two already are a family--this was one of the most comforting things someone told us while we were just starting out--adoption is just adding another to the existing family duo). I think that any family who doesn't agonize over this form is short-sided and may be missing out on a huge blessing.
All I can say is that prayer and going in the direction of what brought us peace was what worked for us in completing this difficult part.
Oh, I meant to type "short-sighted." Damn this inability to edit comments!
Woops, I mean *darn* this inability.
I'm sorry, Courtney! I ended up deleting my two comments so that I could collapse them into one that's worded better! How about this:
1. At this time adoptions in Ethiopia are going well and based on that information you should just keep moving forward and live in hope.
2. For a first child, I think it makes a lot of sense to request a healthy baby if that's the direction you're leaning. In the future you might explore other possibilities. Listen to your heart.
3. It will work out.
4. Chin up! :)
I like this post because it's something I've been feeling lately....(I'm sure all of us have)...
anyhow, I read an article posted by one of my fellow blogger-friends and it made me feel sick. It was about a similar thing: the uncertainty of the future of international adoption and how it's all about regulations or politics and not about what's best for the children.
As a mom-to-be in your position, I understand the feeling you get when reading/hearing about this sort of thing. We knew it already, but reading it in type-even if it's not a completely legit source-is sickening.
As far as knowing who is exactly right for your family-we originally wanted 1 female infant, then we decided maybe 2 children-then definitely 2 children, then 1 infant girl and an older girl up to 3, and it's changed since then. It feels awful to say that we're "don't want" (awful, awful) children with special needs (which isn't entirely true), it's just-our preference is for young and healthy because we're inexperienced parents.
Anyhow, I've babbled enough-I hear ya, sister. Loud and clear...and, you're not the only one out there being grouchy. If I could count the number of times I've been asked this week "Mrs. A, are you ok?"....I'd be able to count very high!
ha.
It sucks to have say no, you won't accept a child with medical issues. I, too, felt a pang of unhappiness at deciding that we couldn't accept a child like that. We strongly considered India, but Craig is far more practical and far more of a realist than myself, me being the idealist of the two. He said it just wasn't financially practical, and maybe not emotionally practical, to accept a child that has serious medical problems.
Tough. Yes.
Cindy
I didn't mean to make that sound bad or anything... Craig is right - for our situation, he is right. If I were the sole decisionmaker (I'm fighting the urge to say "decider" in jest...) I'd probably take in like 10 children and bankrupt us. :)
Cindy
I think Susan said it very well - although there are things we worry about the process as it stands today is in healthy shape. It will work out.
I have nothing new to say that hasn't already been said. The decision is tough...It does at times feel like playing God. Ultimately, peace is what helped us know we checked all the right boxes on our form.
peace.
peace.
peace.
I don't know if it helps or not, but we can so relate to what you are struggling with right now. For the past two weeks, since we sent our dossier to CHI, I have been thinking (and trying not to worry) about those same things. The uncertainty of adoption (the thing we were SURE would certainly end up in a child) and doubts over health and age. I think that part of it is that when we started this process, we wanted a baby for us. As time and process passes, we realize that adoption is not about us, but about the child, and ultimately about God's desire for our families. There is no advice or feel better words here, I can just relate.
Oh and yes, a beer sounds great. A dark one. With some pizza;-)
Courtney -- Those are definitely some big thoughts you've got there. And rightfully so. Not that I'm in the midst of going through the adoption process yet (still working up to it ... slowly), but I know that some of those thoughts have entered my mind, too. I think you've gotta do what you think is best when it comes to choosing your child. It sounds rather selfish, I know ... but you know what? After having NO CONTROL over being able to conceive your own child, think of this as the one thing that you can choose to do.
Anyway, I also wanted to tell you that you totally popped in my mind the other day ... yeah, okay so it was during American Idol and they were talking about Ethiopia ... but I couldn't help but think of you in that pizza shirt you have.
How funny is that? Considering that we've never met IRL, I still have this image of you in a tshirt!
Yeah, I'll have that beer now ...
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